


Panic attack

by Surisun



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Frontotemporal Dementia, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Stiles Stilinski, POV Minor Character, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Sick Stiles Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski Feels Guilty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:54:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25205050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surisun/pseuds/Surisun
Summary: Why does Stiles, the badass human, have panic attacks sometimes?
Relationships: Claudia Stilinski & Stiles Stilinski, Sheriff Stilinski & Stiles Stilinski
Kudos: 51





	Panic attack

He has a headache.. It always start with a headache and an upset stomach, his racing thoughts trumble over each other while a pit of panic starts to expand in his gut. He logically knows that it is all in his head, all the fear and the despair that make his body go crazy. But all his tries to make it calm down are failing and it strsses him out even more. He is hyper aware of his tightening chest and quivering fingers, the words seem to stuck at the edge of his tongue and his exhales stutter as his lungs sieze in attempt of holding the forced air, painfully pushing against his closing glotus. Stiles blinks fastly, willing the creaping black dots to stop obscuring his vision  
But they stubbornly remain. His ears are no better, the constant buzz is alarmingly getting higher by the moment. He doesn't think it can get worse until hands start to touch him, pull him, and the bills in his head go crazy, he is already claustrophobic but naw he feels suffocated. His shaking hands try to push the strangers away, but his movements are weak and ungraceful, so he ends up held against someone and his wheezes pick up even more than humanly possible. A loud voice chants inside his head" Run! Run! Run! " and God, he tries so hard but the restraining arms are so strong and Stiles can't breath nor feel his feet, his head is about to explode and he is drowning in his tears and screams when his body can't take it anymore and everything goes black.  
.....................

He comes up to tears freshly running on his face and a fresh memory of a horrific nightmare.  
His dad is wiping his stray tears and mumbles a whole lot of "it's okay", which only makes cry harder and tries to curl on himself on shame. He is such a burden to his dad sometimes, all the times honestly, and he is already filled with too much guilt to withstand any more..  
" hey kiddo, don't turn your back on me, Stiles.."  
His dad tries, but Stiles only cris harder as he curls to his side, he just wants to be left alone, but he is also so scared of having another panic attack. His body is still dead tired, his muscles are screaming and his head is sore and stuffy,  
" it.. It.. It was the stupid c-cookies"  
He confesses, ashamed, but his father looks confused,  
"cookies? What are you talking about son??"

Chocolate cookies aroma that triggered the 7 year old child in him getting spanked with a wooden spoon when his sick mom thought that he was some stranger that had broken in and stolen her cookies.  
She made him spit it out and hit him, then she stuffed his mouth with so many of them that he gagged and was sick to his stomach. But then she didn't allow him to spit it out that time, she made him eat them all! His stomach rolling and lurching but his mom's vice like grip holding his lips closed till he was tasting the bitter bile mixed with the sweet chocolate and his nose was burning with the burning acid that tried to escape.  
He remembers suffocating for real, fighting his mother like a wounded animal till she finally let his lips part, his relief short as her palm collided painfully with his cheek, sending him spluttring with half chewed chocolate cookies and stomach acid flowing from his open mouth. On all four with tears burning his eyes and shame burning his cheeks. He coughed and coughed till his heart was about to stop, he was shaking and crying but his mom was just standing there and watching him with so much disgust and hate in her eyes. Her once beautiful worm hasel ireses held no recognition and it hurt him more than any slap on his face,  
"f*** disgusting thief!" she spat on him then turned around, letting the poor child gasp in pain of her cruelty.  
Stiles didn't have the energy to ever rise his head and see if she was still there, he just looked down at his own vomit and cried harder, he just wanted a cookie for crying out loud!  
He was crying so hard that he missed the wooden handle of the broom striking the back of his head so hard that he sow stars. Then again another hit to his back made it arch with agony.  
His mom laughing like the maniac that she was, loud and cold an so much unlike her,  
" take this you little brat! Go tell your little friends that my food is no free! I am gonna hit you so hard! I am gonna kill you!"  
He gasped and staggered, his palms scrapping the floor where the pool of vomit was as he attempted to crawl away, another hit and he was about to go face first in to disgusting yellow - brown fluid, but then he was finally on his feet and running. He ran so hard.. So fast that when he finally reached the cabinet beside the bathroom and barrowed himself between towels, he didn't know how he had made it.  
He held both his hands to his mouth, tumbling and terrified she was going to hear his leboured breaths or his cluttering teeth. He started to cry when he relised that he can't make his heart beats go quiter though, and for a terrifying moment when his mom stood with her back to the cabinet, her hair wild and her dress dirty with stains, he thought she was just going to turn around and catch his terrified eyes through the tiny openings of the wooden door. But she didn't.  
For whatever reason she seemed to get bored or simply just forgot why she was going around the house with a broom in her hands. Stiles heard her steps getting far away but he didn't dare to move. He was so worried she was tricking him or maybe she wasn't but then she will see his face and remember that he was the brat that ate her cookies.  
So, he decided to wait, standing there till his dady come and save him from whatever monster that possessed mommy. He knew that whatever creature that was not his mom, he knew his mom would never hurt him like that.  
But then Stiles waited and waited and dad didn't come. He needed to go to the bathroom so bad that his tummy was hurting. He knew that drinking all the orange juice would do that to him but he didn't know he will be spending his day hiding in the towels cabinet either.  
The time stopped for all that Stiles know. He fell asleep standing because he was so tired. But when he woke up , he still couldn't hear his dad's voice. Only the shuffling steps of the monster walking downstairs in the kitchen.  
He was so desperate for the bathroom though and he tried to hold it so bad that his legs were vibrating.. He was biting his lips with concentration when the first drip betrayed him, then another, then suddenly like an open water facet, a thin stream was dropping to the side of his thigh. He felt his batman boxer getting soaked and a dark stain spreading over the crotch of his favorite shorts. He looked at it with horror and all the fear from few hours came rushing back and tightened his chest.  
He just peed himself!!  
His mother would kill him for real this time! Stiles never peed himself before, it was something he was so proud of! So confident about it whenever Scott would till him he had a little accident the night before.  
He whimpered again and held his hands to his mouth. The tears hot against his cheeks as the pungent smell filled the tight space. The 7 year old wished for the ground to open up and swallow him but it didn't. The cruel world just kept him there fighting his tears as he stood in his wet shorts for hours waiting for his dad.  
He fell asleep again.  
When he woke up this time it was dark and his mom's wails were loud enough to reach the neighbours. He also heard his dad's soft voice, calm but clear. Asking her to calm down and that everything was going to be okay.  
It is then that Stiles had some courage to open the cabinet and take a step out. He held a towel and placed it around his shoulders and head, fealing comfort in the fact that he could cover his face with it if his mom's caught his eyes. Maybe she wouldn't hurt him if she didn't really see him.  
He ran to his room and took out some cleab boxers and a pj pants. He clumsily put them own not noting that his pants were inside outs.  
He then ran to the bathroom and tried to rinse his soaked ones but then the door was burst open and for a horrified moment Stiles thought his mom was going to catch him and kill him. Except it was his dad..  
Tired and pale dad stood at the door in his uniform looking at Stiles like he had actually forgot that he had a son left behind in this crazy house, too.  
Stilse was equally frozen but with fear rather than surprise. The running water and his short and boxers laying abounded in the sink as he stood with his hands holding the towel around his shoulders like his life depending on it.  
"Stiles..." his dad finally spoke and Stiles face crumbled, fat tears and whimpers that he didn't need to hold anymore ran freely on his inflamed cheeks.  
He ran to his dad and held his right knee so tight. His face buried in the familiar scent of his father's uniform.  
His dad bent down and pulled him away,  
" Stiles... What happened?!"  
He asked tracing the hand imprint on stiles left cheek which made the little boy only apologize and cry harder.  
"hey.. Buddy.. Shhh.. It is okay" he said embracing him.  
Stiles felt safe for the first time that day. .  
"Did your mom do that?! Oh Stiles.. I am so sorry kiddo.. She is just so sick.. You... that..oh my God.. Dammit.. It is just sometimes she just doesn't act like herself buddy.. I am sorry that she slapped you like this.. Iam really f*** sorry" he was talking to himself and not to Stiles who was clutching his neck like a bug.  
But Stiles didn't say anything though.. He didn't tell his dad about the cookies and his monster mom hitting him with the wooden spoon and the broom . He didn't tell him that the slap was just the cherry on top of so much bruises and cuts that he was enduring for the last few weeks. He was so scared.. Hell, he was terrified that his dad would blame him instead.. His mom was sick, Dad had said many times before, and Stiles should be able to deal with it. It is not like she knew she was hurting her son, the poor woman didn't remember anything and then when she would come to herself she would be so confused and in so much pain that she wails and screams herself to sleep. His dad will hold her till she does. Stiles was ashamed he couldn't help like dad, he felt guilty that he wasn't old and strong enough to make anything that is useful. And as much as he wanted to tell his dad everything that had happened, he didn't dare to speak. He was sure that his dad would git tired of his crying and just leave him, and he just couldn't loose dad, too.  
"will she get better?" he would always ask his dad hoping that this nightmare will end soon.  
His Das would say "maybe" , and Stiles would go to sleep praying for angles to heal his mom so feverntly.  
............. 

His dad would leave him with Melissa after that.  
His mom never become better.. She deteriorated till she was admitted to the hospital and then she died.  
Stiles avoided chocolate cookies for the rest of his life till the day Lydia thought baking some to the pack was a good idea, not knowing that such an innocent little gesture will turn in to a catastrophe.  
Human mind is a strange little thing. Stiles could run with wolves and beat Kanimas but a chocolate cookie will send him face first to the mud..  
But he kept the past for the past..  
His dad had never actually asked him about what happened and Stiles never thought he would need expose such embarrassing stories. He had always pretended that his mother was the warm woman that she used to be before the FTD hit her. The two years from hell that she lost every thing that made her human were not something Stiles, the loyal son, would ever disclose to anyone even for his dad. Both of them mutually agreed to honor her like that but Stiles was failing horribly.  
" a stupid accident that I really don't want to talk about" he had finally said and his dad didn't seem convinced.

" you don't want to talk about it?!"

" not really"

His dad's face falls, he sighs and message his forehead,

" is it about your mom?!"

Stiles looks at him strangly, since when they talk about her like this. He doesn't even know if he can do it.  
" it is not important"he sighs back and looks away.. His eyes heavy again like the some new unsheded tears are weighing them down.  
" I have never asked you what happened" his dad admittes " I was so afraid to ask.. So exhausted to manage more problems... I knew she wasn't herself, I knew she didn't recognize you or me so many times, and I know she was violent when given the chance to"  
He shakes his head,  
" and you... You were just a baby.. But then you were always smart and muture beyond your years.. And I thought if I told you that everything was okay that you would find away to deal with it... God... You don't know how hard it was!! Watching the beautiful woman I filled for turnning in to a lunatic.. I couldn't recognize her too you know and it was slowly killing me"

Stiles understands and doesn't blame him.. He thought about it a hundred times in his head, his mom was sick, his dad was scared, and Stiles had to be patient,  
" but I am the parent here.. You shouldn't have to be brave or strong for me" his dad raises his voice as if he can read his thoughts,  
" I am the one who have to take care of you"

" we take care of each other, remember?" Stiles says sadly, looking at his intertwined fingers,  
" we only have each other"

His dad looks guilty and Stiles feels sadder.  
" I am sorry" his dad finally speaks but Stiles is just so fed up with guilt and pain and fear, he is so tired to have this conversation now, if ever, all he wants is to act like nothing ever happened, he just wants an extra day of normal, and God damn him if he won't fight for it,  
" would you like to make it up for me?" he asks and his dad nods eagerly,  
" if I can ever do that"

Stiles smiles, small looped smile but a smile nonetheless,  
" then no chocolate cookies ever... And some curly fries and a big vanilla milkshake "..


End file.
